The Struggle is TOO REAL
You’re on Facebook or Instagram and see people “living their best life” or whatever the kids call it these days. Seriously, why does it seem like everyone has their life together but you? HOW THE HELL DID THEY DO IT? You feel like you’re falling behind and everyday feels like a damn struggle. Trust me, the feeling is mutual…I am STRUGGLING. I recently turned 30 and have been wondering what the hell am I really doing with my life? Here are a couple of my struggles and why they are not as bad as I make them out to be. The same likely applies to you.
The Career Struggle
I’m a Geology major with a focus on Mineralogy and Geochemistry. My ultimate goal was to get involved in the mining industry in Canada, yet I ended up working in the oil & gas industry back home in Trinidad. I was even laid off from that job in the end! I have no idea what my long-term career goals are given these circumstances. It’s always really awkward in interviews when they ask where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years.
While I might not have any concrete professional goals, I have been exposed to various forms of geoscience and I’ve become quite the diverse geologist because of it. I can amaze you with my rock collection and blab for hours about them. I can tell you a whole lot about Martian geology and planetary evolution. I’ve also been lucky enough to work on remotely monitoring volcanoes using satellite data and done field work in some amazing places. I’ve learned as much as I could in each geology job I’ve had and together I’ve amassed 6 years’ experience and THAT is one hell of an accomplishment. It’s really about making the best of what life has given you and going with the flow.
The Self-Struggle
I struggle with my confidence and believing in myself. What brought this on? I’m not fully sure, but some of it possibly had to do with being unemployed for a bit and struggling with my health. I was definitely more confident in my early 20’s, but the late 20’s involved lots of self-reflection and wondering what the hell was wrong with me as a person.
This is definitely something very common among people of all ages and it could possibly be one of those things that you have to battle with constantly. You’ll also hear the usual story of “self-love” and all the mushy stuff that makes you want to roll your eyes eternally. What has really helped me is reminding myself that I’ve done some pretty amazing things so far in my life. When you provide yourself with the proof and facts that you’re amazing and you start acknowledging all the compliments people give, you begin to feel much better about yourself without feeling selfish. Sometimes it’s about perspective: life can REALLY suck at times, but you’ve got to find whatever little happiness you can in it. I’d rather be laughing than stressing the hell out all the time.
The Health Struggle
Having health complications at a relatively young age wasn’t one of the things I thought I’d have to deal with in life. It forced me to change how I function on a daily basis, re-evaluate my life goals (haha what are those even) and set limits on what I’m capable of doing. Knowing you can’t live life like the average person is both depressing and leaves you feeling isolated. Sometimes it’s also difficult explaining one’s health issues to others, especially in an environment where empathy is lacking or in a professional climate where medical condition discrimination is very pervasive.
SO many people struggle with their health in one form or another, yet we’ve all managed to adapt and continue living our lives. Even better, I’ve become educated in my afflictions, learnt to manage them and help those who are now experiencing similar symptoms or difficulties adapting. Easier said than done, but I think the answer is to keep living like nothing has changed. Sure, there will be days when you’re unable to do the things you want or sometimes feel like you can’t do anything at all. I’ve been there and countless others have as well. Take solace in the fact that you’re not alone and you can adjust with the help of others.
Social Struggle
Personally, being social and making new friends is hard! I’ve become quite the introvert since moving back to my home country. Ironically, the dominant culture out here is quite the social one… but it demands a good amount of cash and solid interest in local culture and music… none of which I have! I’m also 30: I’m tired and don’t have the energy or time to properly commit to active socialisation. I just don’t know how to make friends at this age. It’s funny because in my early 20’s I was relatively social and had a solid friend group…but this was back in my university days where it was easier to meet peers with similar interests. This was also back when I lived in Canada, so the people were already super friendly!
I’ve learnt that trying to fit in out here is like trying to fit a circle into a square. It’s not going to happen, even if you force it. (There’s a constipation joke in there somewhere). I have built my own life from scratch and made a few new and great friends along the way. So far that’s not many people (can count them on one hand) but they’re pretty freaking awesome and they make me feel great. They know who they are and I love them. Do the things you like even if they’re not popular in your environment. Trust me, if I can find fellow weirdos who like authentic Indian food and Pokémon, you can manage to find your people as well!
Life is stressful and most of the time, I have absolutely no idea where my life is headed or what my ultimate purpose is. That used to stress me…and sometimes it still freaks me out, but I’m slowly learning to just let life be. Most of this stress comes from having expectations, whether they be societal or self-imposed, and deadlines that tend to be associated with them. No, I don’t need to have a house or be married by age 30. Who the hell could afford that? If someone bugs you about crap like that, kindly offer them opportunity to finance it and they would quickly shut up.
I’ve stopped setting deadlines, but I haven’t stopped setting goals (there’s a difference: goals shouldn’t have hard-set deadlines). Life happens, the path isn’t straight. I just want to be happy and as comfortable as I can sanely be in life. That’s all I really want. I DO NOT have it figured out and you know what, I highly enjoy telling people that because it seems to make them freak out!
To wrap things up, here a few things you should know:
Know that the struggle is TOO DAMN REAL.
Know that it’s perfectly normal to struggle…everyone is struggling with SOMETHING.
Know that you’re NOT ALONE in the struggle. Solidarity in numbers! (like when most of the class does terrible on an exam).
Know that you’re more than likely actually doing pretty darn well given your circumstances. Appreciate it.
